normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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