I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
