some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize