I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize