Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
