when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
