His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize