So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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