The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
