I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
