how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
