and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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