Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
