woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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