i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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