Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Someone shattered a urinal.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
