I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
