yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize