I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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