you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
