hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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