You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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