Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
