No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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