The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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