I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
you had me at cake vodka
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
