So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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