i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
