I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
