i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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