so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
