I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize