She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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