I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
