She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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