capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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