I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
