I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
where are my eyebrows?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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