She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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