Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
