He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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