I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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