i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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