my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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