so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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