He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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