she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
