sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
