the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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