In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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