So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
