Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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