you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
