Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
