So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
