I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
