I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize