Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
