Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
