If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
