That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
