we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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