I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
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