you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
