Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
